I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Help. Why am I so naked?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
