break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
