So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
