I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
