Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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