nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
be right there i have to get my cape
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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