ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
