I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
