They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
