I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
