I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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