Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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