I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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