What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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