i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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