I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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