Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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