Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
