You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
