U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
