Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
