trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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