I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
