apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
