Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
