Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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