I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
