Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
