i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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