I wannas sexs uuuuu
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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