I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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