my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just high enough for therapy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
