hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
