I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
found the other keg... it's in the tree
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
