FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
