I feel like abortions should bother me more
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
