he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
