The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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