You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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