If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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