So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
