Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
