My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
