So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
