so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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