im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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