I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
