After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
