just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
