It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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