i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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